I've become slightly obsessed with time lately. The passing/wasting/general usage of it. It's quickness and sometimes it's painful slowness. Most of all I've struggled with the balance of time, specifically when it comes to work and family.
On a typical day, I spend 9-10 hours at work (including commute) and less than 3 hours with my son. Does that figure punch you right in the face, or is it just me?
Let's do some delving.
Des wakes up at 6am and I leave for work at 7:45am. In that hour and 45 minutes, Des has to be changed, dressed, fed, get all his stuff ready for daycare, and there's usually a few minutes left over for some play time. Both Tony and I have to get dressed and ready also. This is not a huge factor, as I usually just throw some clothes on, toss my hair up in a ponytail, and finish my make-up when I'm stuck in traffic. Fashion Police and Massachusetts State Troopers, avert your eyes.
I get home from work at around 5:45pm. Des goes to sleep between 6:30-7pm. That's an hour and 15 minutes I get to spend with him after work.
You still with me, people?
That comes out to a total of 3 hours a day I get to spend with my baby, best case scenario. It's usually less. Some days I have to be in work early, some days I stay late.
Take yesterday, for example.
Lastnight I attended dinner with work folks. I was not super pscyhed about it, but the big bosses were going, and I had cancelled a couple times in the past so I felt obligated. Plus it's a free meal at a nice restaurant. I got the lobster mac 'n cheese, and it was heaven. That beats a tuna sandwich on semi-stale bread any day.
The problem with this scenario is that I wouldn't be home until well after Desmond's bed time. So I would see him in the morning before I left for work, and then not again until the next morning when he woke up.
OMG is he even going to remember me??
I cried on the drive to dinner, god help me. I called Tony who was feeding Des at the time. He put me on speaker so I could yell ridiculous things in baby talk (OOJA BOOJA) and Des stared at the phone. Tony tickled him so I could hear him laugh. And I just about lost it.
I know, I know. It was ONE DAY. And some people have it much worse. Some have jobs that require extensive travel (I can't imagine), or work at places who aren't flexible with time off for family (thankfully my company is).
But if my situation is one of the better cases, how are people OKAY with this?? Shouldn't this all be the other way around? Are society's priorities effed up, or are mine?
I know I just have to learn to deal with it. Such is life, right? If you want to live in this part of the country, own a home, and have a family, two incomes are almost always necessary.
Oh and friends? It's amazing I see them EVER. I love them dearly, but social gatherings have plummetted down the list of priorities at this point, under work, baby, husband, family, and sleep. I have tried to make it a point to get out at least once a month to have cocktails with adults and discuss grown-up things like the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Ohh that Camille is a piece of a work, huh?
I'm still learning how to balance it all. Sometimes I feel like as soon as I have something down, the universe adds a little bit more sand to the other side of the scale, throwing everything off. Part of life is learning how to adapt to constant changes. Basically, I need to do more yoga.
And looka that, Desmond grew another inch? Off to Target for new pants! That's kinda like yoga.