Thursday, January 13, 2011

Almost One

In two days our baby turns one.

I've started this entry a half a dozen times. The first time it was "In 13 days..." and it's gone down from there.

I'm not sure what to write or how to feel. A part of me is sad that he's not a baby anymore, blah blah, boo hoo. And a part of me is super excited about what's to come. Then another part of me is thinking it's just another day. What's the big deal?

Maybe the fact that there's a billion things going on around us, including the party-planning which is a whole other entry, is the reason I'm not an emotional mess about it.

But even without all the chaos... I'm okay. Because our Desmond is this amazing adventure. Every day he shows us another side of himself. Something new he can do or say or recognize. I want to tell him to slow down, let us breathe a second and soak this all in. But I'm also the one encouraging him to move forward. To take his first few steps.. which omg, he was SOCLOSE tonight. Tony and me sitting on the living room floor facing eachother a few feet away. Both of us still in our work clothes, waiting until after Des goes to bed to change for fear of missing a single moment. We'd reach out a finger for him to hold and he'd step on over to each of us, back and forth, giggling away. He gets such a kick out of all his new tricks. Boy, we do too.

I will miss his babyness. The cuddly mush who just wanted to be close all the time. Who didn't need to GO and DO and EXPLORE constantly. Who was totally comfortable laying on daddy's chest or in my arms. And his head fit so perfectly in my elbow nook. I'll miss his little baby sighs and squeeks and nuzzles. Yes. I will miss all that.

But I am looking forward to more of the adventure. This year has been like a slow hike up a mountain. Every pass comes with challenges and rewards, but the higher we get, the better the view. I don't know if there's a peak to be reached, but it's more about the climb.

I look forward to many more nights like tonight. An ordinary Thursday, the three of us on the floor, giggling and proud and happy. That's what this year was. Just a pile of love.

Happy almost birthday, little man. So far, sooo good. Your mom and dad love you beyond words.


Erin said...

You summed it up pretty well. There have been several nights recently that I think about the past year and want to cry, in a good way. Although I'm not even sure why. Just a huge pile of mush over here, I guess!

Jeannie said...

Sarah, you have brought me to tears once again! Happy almost-birthday to your amazing little man!

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