Wednesday, February 17, 2010

One Month

Our baby is one month old.

I can't believe how fast the time has flown, and yet it seems as if he has always been here. Life before Desmond is hard to imagine. What did we do with all that time on our hands? Ha!

I'm not going to lie, the first couple of weeks were rough. Going from sleeping 10-11 hours straight a night (thank you, pregnancy) to sleeping in 2-hour intervals randomly throughout the day was an Adjustment of Epic Proportions. Sleep deprivation will mess with you. This is why you need a partner when you have a baby. So that when you wake up in a panic mumbling "The baby's on the bed.. The baby's on the bed!" when he's really sound asleep in the bassinet, your partner can calmly assure you that it's just a wrinkled up sweatshirt, not the baby.

The healing process for me was unexpectedly brutal. Do people not share this information on purpose? Or do they just forget? Maybe they push it out of their minds like images of war, which is what I'm trying to do. I won't go into too much detail. I'll try to put it in a series of single words... Soreness. Blood. Stitches. Swelling. Hemorrhoids. Disposable underwear. Okay, so that last one was 2 words. But you get the idea. For two weeks it hurt to sit, to stand, to walk, to move, to be still, etc. Basically, pushing an 8 lb. 10 oz. beast out of you really effs up your nether regions. But after a month I am feeling almost 100% better in that respect. Thank the lawd.

And still the most challenging hurdle of all... Breastfeeding. I'm sorry to have to describe it as a challenge, as it's supposed to be this beautiful, natural, bonding experience for mother and child. But the word 'hurdle' is a gentle way of putting my experience. I could write a whole big long entry on this topic, but I'll just do another series of single words... Pain. Sores. Scabs. Engorgement. Infection. Tears. Frustration. But almost 5 weeks in, Des and I have a nice little rhythm going. The pain is almost totally gone, my supply has regulated, and I can almost say that breastfeeding is enjoyable now. Almost. Give us another week or two and I'm sure we'll get there. A few weeks ago I was at such a low point with breastfeeding, I almost gave up. I'm so happy that I didn't.

Tony was able to take a full 3 weeks off, which was amazing. We are such a good team. I always knew he'd be a great dad, but to see it in action is so beautiful. I think Tony's bond with Desmond may have been initially stronger than mine. With the previously mentioned challenges I was going through, Tony shouldered a lot of the load with diapers and rocking and helping out in any way he could. Of course now we both can't get enough of the little guy. Tony's back to work and he misses him so much. I constantly send him photos and updates. And when daddy gets home, he scoops Des up and takes over with such joy it brings tears to my eyes.

I don't even want to think about going back to work at this point. I am just truly enjoying these days, soaking in every moment I get to be home with our baby.

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