An Exercise in Packing

I've written about the packing situation with baby before. This weekend was our first real vacation with the kiddo. For a 4-day, 3-night trip, I started The Master List a week in advance. I have to show you this thing. It is epic:

Equipment
x - Bumbo with tray
x - Jeep stroller
x - Exersaucer
x - Bouncy chair
x - Hiking backpack
x - Bjorn
x - Pack 'n play
x - monitor

Food
x - bowls and spoons
x - bottles, covers, and nipples
x - pump and parts
x - formula
x - breastmilk
x - babyfood
x - prune juice

Toys
x - froggy
x - monkey
x - scout
x - teething rings

Toiletries
x - shampoo and conditioner
x - razors
x - face wash
x - face lotion and body lotion
x - make-up
x - hairbrush and hair dryer
x - elastics and bobby pins
x - medicines
x - toothbrushes

Baby clothes
x - short sleeve onesies (6)
x - long sleeve onesies (2)
x - shorts (3)
x - pants (2)
x - sweatshirt
x - PJs (3)
x - sun hat
x - bathing suit and surf shirt
x - sunglasses
x - bibs, burpies, face cloths
x - diapers, wipes

Mommy clothes
x - jean shorts, tank, cardigan, birks (wear)
x - tank tops (4)
x - t-shirts (2)
x - long sleeve shirt
x - skirt
x - sweatshirt
x - cargo pants
x - yoga pants
x - white socks (2)
x - flip flops, sneakers
x - underwear and bras (4)
x - army hat

Etc.
x - beach towels
x - pillows
x - bug spray
x - bug net
x - sun screen (baby and adult)
x - motrin
x - baby blanket
x - Nintendo DS
x - ipod
x - both cameras
x - phone chargers

I hope most of you skimmed through that, as I would have too. I just had to show the sheer insanity of leaving home with kid(s). And my obvious sick pride in how organized I was in planning for this. I am by no means a type-A personality. My mind is a bit of a frazzled mess most of the time. Come to my home or look at my desk on any day of the week to see for yourself. I rely on lists like this to organize the chaos. If it weren't for The List, most of this stuff would not have made it and we'd be running around last minute throwing whatever we could grab into the vortex of the car. We'd get to the destination and think, "Wait.. why did we bring the blender? 8 bathing suits, but no toothbrushes? OMG WHERE'S THE BABY?!"

No, I did not put BABY on the list. It's a miracle we remembered him.

Tony was in charge of his own clothes. Yes, sometimes I let him dress himself. His wardrobe is basically grown-up sized Garanimals anyway.

Oh, and the x's denote that it is packed. Not in a bag, or on the landing of the stairs. I would not mark it with an x until it was IN THE CAR.

We had a beautiful trip to the mountains with the Cawley clan. Photos and stories soon to come.

6 Months

Dear Desmond,

You are six months old today. I can't even believe it. Every day that passes seems to be better than the last.

You are rolling over like crazy now. You started rolling back to front early on. Took a while for you to get the hang of the other way. But now that you got it, we can't take our eyes off you for a second! We've made it 6 months without any injuries. If you're anything like your mother, that streak could end any day now...

You started eating solids recently. Francesca (your daycare provider and great friend) said, "I can't imagine him not liking anything." And it's true, you took right to it! You love oatmeal and peaches and pears and avocado. Pretty soon we'll introduce peas and squash and mango. And like Francesca says, I can't imagine you not liking them too.

You are a giggling fool! Every day we find a different tickle spot. And when we do, daddy and I will sit there and listen to you laugh forever. We laugh to the point of tears, give you a break, and then do it again.

Your smile is so big and wide. Any time you hear our voices or see one of us, you show us that beautiful grin. I will miss those gums and those puffed out cheeks when you start to get teeth.

You suck your thumb a lot. Never really took to the paci, which is fine with us. The thumb is always there, even if it can sometimes take a while for you to find it. When you're fussing in your crib, we'll stand outside the door whispering "Find it... find it." And you always do.

Des, you are such a joy. Easy, laid back, and quiet... (most of the time). A lot like your parents. Every morning you wake up smiling. You fight sleep sometimes, but you give in soon enough. Daddy and I have spent so much time watching you sleep. (Is that creepy? Sorry if it is.)

We say to eachother all the time, "I love him, you know." God we really, really do.

Here's to the next 6 months, and a lifetime of smiles, laughs, and milestones.


To the moon and back, little man.

The Day Before

Six months ago from this moment, I sat in my cube at work and started thinking, "Hmm.. I wonder if something is going on. Maybe I'll start timing just in case."

I opened up a new email and typed the time. Then again a little bit later. In between work, chatting with coworkers, walking to and from the bathroom (hello trampoline bladder!), I'd jot the times of those somethings in the email. Again and again.

I still have it saved in my draft email folder at work. I refuse to delete it, but I don't know what to do with it. I open it up every once in a while, recalling that day and those moments.

In honor of The Day Before, here's the body of that email:

841
900
914
936
1000
1007
1023
1035
1053
1101
1109
1123
1132
1138
1155
1211
1222
1229
1237
1246
1253
100
125
132
139
151
159
214
234
240
252
307
313
320
331
345

To everyone else it's just a list of numbers. To me, it's anticipation, excitement, and having NO IDEA how much life would change so soon.

Like just before dawn after a long, exhausting night. There's nothing like the light of day that can change your entire perspective.

What a Difference a Week Makes

I grew up with a pool in my backyard. It was such a huge part of my childhood summers. Luckily, my sister Maureen and her family have a beautiful pool. When I thought about Desmond in the summertime, taking him to the pool in Braintree was the first thing that came to mind.

But before we threw him in the deep end, baby steps are in order. Time to fill up the kiddie pool!

Unfortunately, Des's first attempt was on a hot, cranky, 'DEVIL-HORNS-ARE-BURNING-THROUGH-MY-GUMS' teething kinda day. Hence...

Deanna is a brave woman for even attempting.

Needless to say that didn't go so well. But my dreams of having a pool baby were not dashed. We would not give up! One week later, and in a much better mood, we tried again.

Whoa whoa whoa

Wait... Is this the same stuff from tubby time?

Dude it is SO the same stuff! KICK-KICK-KICK-KICK.

So fun even mom had to join in:

The second time around was much better. He even went in the big pool! In mommy's arms of course. Lots of curiosity, splashing, and no tears. Hoorah!

Next steps... Swim lessons, olympic medals, endorsement deals, and early retirement for mom and dad. Dream big kids!

Summer Time

I can't believe it's already summer! I feel like I missed a good chunk of the year because it was spent at home with a newborn, sleeping and waking in 2-3 hour intervals. Days and nights were turned upside-down, oozed into eachother, and somehow months have gone by without my realizing.

And p.s. In two weeks, Desmond will be 6 months old. So uhh.. that's happening. Wow.

I missed a lot of what I love about summer last year because I was pregnant and pudgy and exhausted. There's also a good chunk I can't even remember due to that whole seizure-hospital stay fiasco. So this summer is going to be the Summer of Sarah!... and son. And. Soul mate? Tried to find a good s-word for Tony. Stony. That's it, I'm calling him Stony for the rest of the Summer.

Our plans for summer are always pretty much the same. Day trips, camping, beach, pool, family and friends, maybe an overnight here and there. Now that they include the little one, these adventures will be a little more complicated.

For example, this past weekend we took a trip down to my mom's house for a day at the beach and an overnight at her cottage. Here is how we packed the car for ONE DAY:

There was more in the back seat too.

We used to pride ourselves on our packing skills. We could take a single bag between the two of us for an overnight and be dandy, fly anywhere for a week or two with carry-on only. Those days are obviously long gone.

As are the days of bikinis (thank you, stretch marks) and spending all day on the beach with drink in hand. But that is a-okay with us. We seem to have more fun now on Desmond-time.





Our first trip to the beach was a success! Although by the time we got there, Des was hungry and in need of a nap. We fed him and tried to lay him in his beach tent, but with all the commotion around, he wasn't having it. Despite the slight crankiness, we got a couple hours in, were able to relax and laugh and soak in the perfect weather (with sunblock of course!). Every new experience comes with challenges, but they get easier each time.

This weekend will be more beach, pool, and fun in the sun with our little (and big!) family. Can't wait!!

The End of Nursing

Like I've mentioned before, breastfeeding has been one of the hardest aspects of being a new mom. And almost 5 months in, it continues to be a struggle.

Des and I had a good little rhythm going for a while. It took 6-8 weeks to really get it down. But then it was easy and calm and loving. I grew to truly enjoy that private time we had together as mother and son. At 3 months, I had to go back to work. I was pumping at work and nursing mornings/evenings. Weekends I would nurse all day like before. But the change to our schedules threw our feeding routine off, and Des started refusing me.

One day I popped open my shirt, he looked at the breast (or "the buffet" as it used to be called), turned his head and screamed his head off. Then he tore out my heart and stomped on it. And punched me in the face with his tiny fist. Seriously, a more hurtful rejection I cannot imagine.

Oh, I know he didn't mean it. A bottle is just easier. The boob involves work and time and skill... He was having none of it. This is what is known as a nursing strike. It can happen for a lot of reasons. Ours was caused by the drastic change in schedule, more bottle feedings, and mouth pain from teething. A perfect anti-boob storm.

For two weeks we tried to get him to latch again, exclusively pumping (EPing, as it's called in certain mommy internet circles) and bottle-feeding breastmilk in the meantime. We researched and pulled out all the tricks to get him back on the breast. As the days went on I tried less and less. What was once such a sweet, special time had become frustrating and emotionally painful.

One day Tony came in with Des and said, "He's hungry, do you want to try?" I sighed heavily and thought for a few minutes. I finally said, "Okay. But if it doesn't work, this is it." I needed to not be in limbo anymore. If it wasn't going to work I needed to commit to EPing and be okay with that.

So we tried. And amazingly... he latched. :-)

HALLELUJAH! The heavens opened, angels sang, bells chimed. It was like the first time in the hospital all over again. Joyful tears and proud daddy looking on. He had a full feeding and a big burp after, with that sleepy, satisfied look on his face. I was so excited to be nursing again; I looked forward to every feeding.

Unfortunately, that only lasted about 3 days and he was back to refusing the breast. Sigh... This time it was for good. I couldn't go through it all again. He was still getting the milk he needed, just from a bottle instead of directly from the breast. Really, it's not the end of the world. But at the time, I was devastated. And a part of me still is.

Even more devastating, due to having to rely on the pump, my supply depleted. I was making a little more than half of his daily intake. We had a freezer stash of 250+ ounces of breastmilk. In a matter of weeks, it was gone. And a few days after he turned 4 months, we gave him his first bottle of formula. Daddy gave it to him and I cried in the next room. Such dramatics, I know.. But it really hurt that I couldn't provide my son with everything he needed. Still does.

It's not the ideal situation. But I'm proud to say we made it to 4 months on breastmilk alone. He's a big boy and he's growing so fast. He needs to eat A LOT and I just couldn't keep up. Now he's on about 60% breastmilk, 40% formula... ish. And we'll be starting solids very soon. Every step comes with challenges. We're doing the best we can along the way.

And as my mom always says, "All you can do is the best you can do." I say that to myself almost every day. I'll pass it along to Desmond too.

4 months

4 months ago our lives changed forever. The moment Desmond came into the world was not just the birth of our son, it was the birth of our family and a new life for all three of us. I can't think of any other moment where there is such a tangible line between before and after. Everything is usually a process... It took us a while to finally realize we wanted to start trying, then there was the process of :ahem: conception, 9-10 months of baby cooking, hours of labor and pushing. And then.. BOOM. One second we were a happy couple holding hands through the pain of delivery, the next we became a family, all our arms full of eachother.

It's like the earth was rotating one direction our whole lives, and in that moment the world stopped and began rotating the other way.

Tony called me at work this morning to tell me our little boy rolled over. I saw it last week when he flung himself around in a frustrated fit to reach a toy. I grabbed my phone to call daddy and tell him of this great milestone. We cheered and laughed together. Oh how big our baby is getting.

He has two teeth poking through his bottom gums. You can see the faintest white dots. When they're bothering him, his fist never leaves his mouth and drool constantly oozes down his chin. Oh and the crying. The screaming, whining, wailing, and tears streaming. "Mommy, Daddy I'm in pain make it stop!" I would lay down my life to ease your pain, baby. But all you need is my knuckle to gnaw on. That helps for a short time.

He's finding his voice more and more. The sweet simple noises of "a-ghee" and "kkhoo" have turned into loud, lilting melodies from high to low and everything in between. It seems like every day he finds a new note. Here's his singing face:

Can you hear it?

God, If I had known how good it could be, we would have started a long time ago. And now I want 10 more. Tony is in trouble.

Smooching on my boy:

As daddy says, "You can't spell 'smother' without 'mother'." And I can't help myself!

Happy belated Mother's Day to all the mommas out there.