Nursery

Finally, a post going back to the original theme of the blog! The house. Obviously with the new addition on the way we had to think about where to put him. It was a no brainer to turn the office next to our bedroom into the nursery. Even though Desmond is now 3 months old, it's still not totally finished. I would like to paint something on the wall next to his crib, need some kind of toy box in there, a side table for the rocker, among other things. But it does the job. And it is now my favorite room in the house. It feels warm and fun and cozy. Lots of space to sit on the floor and play or to walk around rocking the baby to sleep. I definitely don't mind the hours I have to spend in there!

See the 'Before' pics in this previous entry.

Now:

Bed in the room for those early weeks when he was up every couple hours during the night. Although it was rarely used because he was sleeping in our room at that point, we still like it there just in case.


The rocker, on the other hand, is used all the time. Bookcases were a Craigslist find for super cheap.


This dresser/changing table was a hand-me-down from Tony's uncle. It was mostly unfinished with the drawers painted green. We painted it bright white and swapped the handles for some glass knobs that I LOVE.


I bought these prints off of Etsy before Desmond was even conceived.


Sweater Desmond wore home from the hospital, crocheted by my mother.


Blanket over the crib also crocheted by my mom. She's so talented.


Crib, a hand-me-down from my older sister. The bedding is blue, green, and brown fish. We had a matching mobile, but Des loved this one that was on his bassinet.


Closer look at the bedding, and the adorable thumb-sucker who sleeps in it.

So there it is, finally. Simple and cute.

Things I Thought I Knew

... but really, I had no idea. These are issues every new parent is warned about, but never truly understands until they are in the thick of it.

- The worry
News flash: Mom's worry. Story at 11! What I didn't realize is that the worry is CONSTANT. I even figured out a way to worry in my sleep, if that's possible. It's when I'm holding him, when he's napping, and when someone else has him. I worry about him bothering other people when he's fussy, and I worry about why he's fussy. Spitting up too much, not enough poops today, his head is too flat. Daycare, crawling, sticking his finger in a socket. First day of school, teen bullying, can't afford college. Anything, everything, and all at once. The best thing to do is to not stifle the worry, yet don't let it become all-consuming. Acknowledge it, accept it, and move on. And if it gets too much just punch it in the face. BAM!

- The laundry
I'm a freak of nature and actually enjoy doing laundry. I find it relaxing. That hasn't changed. But the drastic increase in volume is shocking, and the fact that it's caused by the addition of one tiny person to a household. Pre-baby, I would do 2-3 loads of laundry once every week or two. Nowadays I do about 3-5 loads every few days. It's due to the variety of baby fluids that we're all swimming in, and my newfound obsessive need to remove any dust and cat hair from all linens. Cuz OMG baby's hand is slightly reddish, it's a rash, he just touched that blanket, WASH IT! (See also: The worry)

- The importance of naps

I've finally sorta figured out Des's nap routine (which will now change tomorrow, I'm sure). They say for the first 4 months or so, they don't really have schedules. But Des is a great sleeper at night and has a pretty consistent nap schedule during the day. Unfortunately this week he developed a slight cough that was making it hard for him to stay asleep. So he kept missing or cutting short his long nap. Which made the rest of the day a nightmare for both of us. He wanted to be held constantly, so I paced the house carrying this 15 pound whining, whimpering mush in my arms for hours. As a result, I have scheduled a massage for this weekend. Momma needs it! And Desi needs his naps. Lesson learned.

- The love
The first few weeks I was in shock at this little squirmy, squeeling alien that appeared. I loved him to pieces, but it was a survival mission at that point. I don't know exactly when it happened, but now I can't stop kissing every inch of him. Tony pretends to speak for him, "Moooom, stoooop you're embarrassing meeee." But I can't help it. All his squeeks and smells and fluids... I can't get enough. He's like a drug. And then there's the smiles and coos... Ugh, my heart can't take it. It's all Desmond, my life, my love.


I don't even care how unflattering this photo of me is, that's how much I love him.

Note: Another Braintree baby is on the way! Congratulations to our friends Jeannie and Chris who are expecting their first in October! So so excited for you guys. :-)

Back to Work

The countdown to my return to work has begun. 13 days. Time to face reality. EPIC SIGH...

Being a working mom was always the plan. Financially, it's a necessity right now. We have a mortgage, 2 vehicles, among the many other expenses that come with being homeowners and new parents. We also enjoy taking vacations every year, a lifestyle we would love to maintain. And aside from the financial needs, I just never pictured myself as a stay at home mom. The infinite patience and 24/7 nurturing that is required of that job are qualities I have always lacked, admittedly.

I don't know if I just never gave myself enough credit, or if I grew a whole new side to my personality over the past 11 weeks, or if I'm just feeling the standard guilt of a new mom returning to work... or all of the above? But now I want nothing more than to stay home with my son. When I consider any other option my heart aches, like a gaping hole in my chest that I have to cover with my hands or my whole self will be sucked down into it. (Dramatic, huh? Not nearly dramatic enough, to be honest.)

This was not the case at week 4 or 5. At that time, I would wake up each morning, look at Desmond anxiously and think, "I will do my best to keep you alive today." Survival mode. For both of us. And then I'd feed him a few times, he'd nap here and there, we'd go for a walk, and 'Wow it's 5:00 and daddy's home? We did it, Des! We are alive and fed and sorta clean and mostly sane!' Rinse and repeat.

Now I wake up each morning, look at Desi and think, "What are we gonna do today, best buddy? I know! Let's eat and take naps and maybe go for a walk!" On big days we go to Target or to the mall. There's a general simple routine. Yet every day is exciting and fun and happy. There is nothing I lack. My heart is full, overflowing even. And then daddy gets home and the day just gets better! Life is amazing.

Two more weeks of this. I will soak in every second.

Just as I've adjusted to Life As Mom, I will adjust to working again. It may take several weeks and many tears, but I'll get there. And I'll wake up each morning thinking, "Today I will do what's best for our family." I hope I can.


I helped make this guy. I can do anything.

Birthday and A Day in the Life

This past weekend was my 30th birthday party. The milestone of the big 3-0 was barely a blip on my radar. Years past have hit me much harder. I think with each passing year, age means less and less to me. The 20's were great, but I'm ready to bring on the 30's!

The party was such a fun time with friends and family... Tony, my sisters, and my mom went above and beyond (yet again!) with everything and it was great to let loose for the first time in... 10, 11 months? Wow, it's been a while. Let's just say that this weekend I learned the art of 'pump and dump.'








(This is a Tiffany necklace engraved with the letter "D" given to me by my mom and sisters. I nearly cried when I saw it.)

Desmond was a perfect gentleman, if sleeping through most of the party makes someone a gentleman. This was also a chance for him to meet a lot of new people, including all of my Braintree friends. Des is the first baby for my group of friends, so all my girls and guys were pretty fascinated by the "hot new accessory of 2010." I really hope they can see more of him, once I become less of a hermit.


Braintrees!



I was asked by a curious friend what a typical day is for us. Although as soon as it seems we have some semblance of a 'schedule' down, things change LIKETHAT. But I do try to keep some sort of a routine throughout the day. So here it is. These are VERY rough estimates, obviously:

6-7am: Wake up, feed baby
7am-8am: Daddy watches Des while Mommy takes a shower and gets dressed. Yes, I do try to bathe and put on "normal" clothes every day, as opposed to sweats, even though I rarely leave the house. It makes me feel human.
8am-9am: Daddy leaves for work, Mommy and Des make our way downstairs for the day
9am-10am: Feed baby, try to make some coffee and breakfast for myself. Usually Des is good enough to sit in his bouncy chair and just hang out while I eat and check the internets. But sometimes he's fussy and I have to hold him the whole time.
10am-12pm: Des will usually nap for a good hour or so, during which time I will try to put minimal make-up on (see above re: feeling human), wash dishes, do laundry, clean house, etc. Today I updated my blog!
12pm-1pm: Feed baby, try to feed self
1pm-2pm: TBD...
2pm-3pm: Des and I will both usually take an afternoon nap in our bed upstairs. This is one of my favorite parts of the day! Cuddles and coos and rest. Nothing better.
3pm-4pm: Feed baby, hang out and wait for Daddy to get home.
4pm-5pm: Daddy gets home! Commence hand-off. Tony misses the baby so much during the day, I barely see the kid for the next couple hours.
5pm-6pm: Mommy and Daddy try to get some food.
6pm-7pm: Feed baby, start thinking about heading upstairs for the night. I know, we are party animals.
7pm-9pm: Head upstairs, give baby a bath and get him into fresh PJs, hang out as a family before bedtime.

Throughout the day I am usually listening to Sirius sattelite radio... Howard Stern in the morning (sorry Mom!), Acoustic or Classical late-morning and early afternoon, Country late afternoon. Des and I like to dance to country. :-) I'll watch TV sometimes too, but daytime TV is pretty awful. Unless there's a Real Housewives marathon. Still awful, but so addicting.

In between naps and feedings and diaper changes Des and I do a lot of walking around the house, "playing" on his activity mat, and making noises back and forth to eachother. But his interactions are still pretty minimal at this point.

Des usually wakes up 2-3 times during the night for feedings... lately just 2, which has been nice. Tony gives him a bottle for one of those feedings so I can get a good stretch of rest. Because he is not sleeping through the night yet, he's still in his bassinet at the end of our bed. We talk about transitioning him to the crib in his room, but I am putting up a fight. I didn't think I would be so reluctant, but I seriously want to cry when I think about it! Which is ridiculous. His crib is literally 20 feet away in the next room.

How I am going to leave him at daycare for 8 hours a day in a few weeks is beyond comprehension.

It's amazing how quickly the days and weeks have flown. It may seem like a boring schedule to some, but this has been the most joyful and fulfilling time of my life.

Happy 7 weeks of age, my little one!

One Month

Our baby is one month old.

I can't believe how fast the time has flown, and yet it seems as if he has always been here. Life before Desmond is hard to imagine. What did we do with all that time on our hands? Ha!

I'm not going to lie, the first couple of weeks were rough. Going from sleeping 10-11 hours straight a night (thank you, pregnancy) to sleeping in 2-hour intervals randomly throughout the day was an Adjustment of Epic Proportions. Sleep deprivation will mess with you. This is why you need a partner when you have a baby. So that when you wake up in a panic mumbling "The baby's on the bed.. The baby's on the bed!" when he's really sound asleep in the bassinet, your partner can calmly assure you that it's just a wrinkled up sweatshirt, not the baby.

The healing process for me was unexpectedly brutal. Do people not share this information on purpose? Or do they just forget? Maybe they push it out of their minds like images of war, which is what I'm trying to do. I won't go into too much detail. I'll try to put it in a series of single words... Soreness. Blood. Stitches. Swelling. Hemorrhoids. Disposable underwear. Okay, so that last one was 2 words. But you get the idea. For two weeks it hurt to sit, to stand, to walk, to move, to be still, etc. Basically, pushing an 8 lb. 10 oz. beast out of you really effs up your nether regions. But after a month I am feeling almost 100% better in that respect. Thank the lawd.

And still the most challenging hurdle of all... Breastfeeding. I'm sorry to have to describe it as a challenge, as it's supposed to be this beautiful, natural, bonding experience for mother and child. But the word 'hurdle' is a gentle way of putting my experience. I could write a whole big long entry on this topic, but I'll just do another series of single words... Pain. Sores. Scabs. Engorgement. Infection. Tears. Frustration. But almost 5 weeks in, Des and I have a nice little rhythm going. The pain is almost totally gone, my supply has regulated, and I can almost say that breastfeeding is enjoyable now. Almost. Give us another week or two and I'm sure we'll get there. A few weeks ago I was at such a low point with breastfeeding, I almost gave up. I'm so happy that I didn't.

Tony was able to take a full 3 weeks off, which was amazing. We are such a good team. I always knew he'd be a great dad, but to see it in action is so beautiful. I think Tony's bond with Desmond may have been initially stronger than mine. With the previously mentioned challenges I was going through, Tony shouldered a lot of the load with diapers and rocking and helping out in any way he could. Of course now we both can't get enough of the little guy. Tony's back to work and he misses him so much. I constantly send him photos and updates. And when daddy gets home, he scoops Des up and takes over with such joy it brings tears to my eyes.

I don't even want to think about going back to work at this point. I am just truly enjoying these days, soaking in every moment I get to be home with our baby.

Our Baby Story

I always love hearing labor and delivery stories. No matter how many episodes of a Baby Story you watch, you just never know what to expect. Like I approach most things in life, I went in with a vague idea of how it might go, knowing all the possibilities but keeping an open mind.

Thursday morning I noticed some cramps and typical aches and pains. At this point I was 4 days overdue. Aches and pains, as well as frustration and exhaustion, were a daily issue. So I didn't give it too much thought.

I went to work as usual. The cramps/aches/pains were coming and going, but nothing consistent or alarming. I didn't know what contractions were supposed to feel like. So I convinced myself these were not them and started timing them anyway. They started at around 12-15 minutes apart at 8am then got closer throughout the day. But I was still able to work and walk around and talk, which further convinced me it wasn't real.

I got home at the usual time, called the doctor and told him "I think something might be happening but I dunno. Just gonna wait it out a while." I didn't want to be one of those people who was sent home or labored in the hospital for dozens of hours. I preferred to go through as much as possible at home, where I was comfortable. I called my mom to give her the heads up, but told her it might be a while. She warned me that even the first baby can happen fast, so I should be careful. She almost had my sister in the car! Always listen to your mom, kids. Lesson learned... again.

Tony and I made a nice dinner of baked ziti, and never got to eat it. Cuz by around 6pm it was time to go. And I figured my doctor and nurses wouldn't want to see baked ziti vomit in the delivery room floor. If this was really it, I mean. Still unconvinced.

The ride to the hospital was rough. Contractions were about 4-5 minutes apart, although they seemed to be right on top of eachother. Tony did his best to avoid bumps and I kept breathing. Not sure if you've heard this, but contractions HURT. By the time we got to the hospital and the doctor checked me, I was 3 cms dilated. Oh, so I'm not being sent home? This is really happening? Wait, no. I changed my mind! Toooo late.

Details are a little hazy at this point. Things happened FAST. I got an epidural not long after we arrived. But it didn't work at first. Did you know that sometimes they don't work? Things they don't tell you. I spent another hour or two feeling ev-ry-thing... except my feet. Not helpful. The doctor checked me again and I was 5 cms. The epidural doc finally came back in and upped the dosage. Now I couldn't feel eh-ny-thing. Total numbness. Ahh.. that was nice.

An hour later, I was 10 cms and ready to push. Uhhh.. what?! It was 10:30pm. We had been there about 3 1/2 hours. The people in the room next to us had been there since 7am that morning and weren't 10 cms yet. I was all, guys you're doing it wrong. I am so much better at this than you!





I pushed through total numbness. Like when you get novacaine at the dentist and they ask you to spit water and it gets all over you. Except waaaay different. Cuz I was trying to spit out a baby. And I couldn't feel a damn thing. I had no idea if I was making any progress. Tony and the nurse coached me through and assured me I was doing great. Thank god for them. I even turned to Tony a few times when the nurse stepped away, asking him if they were just bullshitting me. He kissed me on the forehead and reassured me again. Love of my life, that man.

It was such a relaxed, calm environment. Not like in the movies. I wasn't freaking out or sweating or biting on a stick (can't speak for Tony though), I was just kinda doing it.

And then he was there. 12:08am. Our baby Des. They put him on my chest and I couldn't get over how much dark hair he had! Where did that come from?? Des was screaming and grabbed my finger right away. Quite a grip, my strong boy. Me and Tony and the baby were in our own little world. Laughing and crying and giggling. The doctor still had some work to do on me (epidurals, they are good when they finally work). Nurses were around doing their thing. I have no idea. They let me hold my baby there for a long while, Tony cut the cord. It was amazing. The doctor guessed the weight was 7 lbs 4 oz. Wrong! 8 lbs 10 oz. And I felt every one of them. Still do. Ow.

Now we're a new family. A tired, sore, happy family. I am still recovering phsyically (seriously, ow), and mentally drained. But wow. What an experience. What a life I have. If only everyone could be so lucky.

He's here!

Desmond Jack Cawley Salamone
Born 1/15/10 at 12:08am
8 lbs 10 oz, 21 inches long







The labor and delivery was surprisingly quick. I'll post a more detailed account in the next entry. Recovery has been difficult. And this past week with our baby has been the most challenging, rewarding, surreal, incredible of our lives. Tony and I look at eachother sometimes and can't believe we get to keep this little guy. And we can't believe how goshdarn CUTE he is!

Exhibit A:


Exhibit B:


He is such a good baby. He sleeps a lot, he pees and poops a lot, he cries when he needs something. He is perfection. We're still trying to get our act together as parents, but every day gets a little better.

I am enjoying every second of this time. People say it goes by so fast. And while a part of me can't wait for Des to smile and giggle and walk and all that, I'm loving him as he is now. A tiny mush of pure love and joy. And poop. Oh, so much poop.

We love you so much, Desi boy. You are our sunshine. :-)