Thursday, March 31, 2011

Hunger Strike

It's 9:00am.

Things I have tried to feed my child today:
- waffle
- hash brown
- banana
- blueberries
- peaches
- blueberry muffin
- yogurt
- fruit puree
- shredded cheese

Things he has eaten:

Things he has thrown on the floor:
- See: Things I have tried to feed my child today

Things he would rather do than eat:
- Cry, whine, scream, etc.
- Figure out the child safety locks on every drawer in the house

- Play with cat toys
- Climb the stairs
- Watch Toy Story 2 for the 1 billionth time

Des is dealing with another cold accompanied by a fever, hence the lack of eating. We usually can't keep up with his massive appetite. His daycare provider, who has been taking care of kids for 16 years, says she's never seen a kid eat like he does. So this hunger strike is foreign and frustrating. I'm home with him today. We're just trying to survive on juice, Motrin, and as few tears (from either of us) as possible.

Send healthy, happy baby vibes our way!

Monday, March 28, 2011

Water Works

I have always been a bit of a crier. Certain people in my life are rolling their eyes right now thinking, "a bit?"

Commercials, movies, songs, take your pick. If you see me in the greeting card aisle approach with caution. I'm probably holding my breath and swallowing down the lump in my throat. Oh and that Folgers Christmas commercial with the brother and sister... Gives me the creeps and makes me cry. A more common example, Toy Story 3. After watching that movie Tony left me sitting in a salty puddle on the couch, squeaking "Why Andy? Why did you have to grooow uup?"

Events in which it would be exceedingly appropriate to shed a tear, such as a funeral or dire emergency of some sort, what do I do? I cry AND I laugh. Hysterical, nervous, snorting laughter. I'm sorry! It's an anxiety-induced response that I can't control. In the times when I can't choke down the giggles, I can usually mask it as sobbing with a strategically placed hand or tissue over the mouth. But seriously, there are some underlying issues here. I should probably have that looked at.

Parenthood has made the crying at the drop of a hat so much worse. In the first 6 months it was biological. I was just crying out the hormones like they were toxins. But now that things have settled in that respect, I'm starting to get the message... This is just how it's going to be now.

When I watch 'Intervention' from here on out I'm going to bawl my eyes out as the parents beg and plead and pray for their grown, addicted children to seek help. On the Amazing Race the other night, a mom watched her deaf 20-something year old son struggle repeatedly with a challenge, told him "You can do this," and I couldn't keep it together. And forget the country music station. That shit can just go right to hell.

It's like all emotions have doubled. For 40 weeks I grew this other piece of me, this vulnerable beating heart, and now I just let it walk around, prone to whatever perils and passions the world has in store. And it's my job to protect him and guide him and sometimes, to sit back and watch him struggle. I don't know if I'm fit for this.

Okay. I can do this.

Now I get what all those tissues are about. My husband. Always looking for a deal and planning ahead.

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Slow Girl Buys a Smart Phone

Ladies and gentlemen, I have joined the world of the Smart Phone. Hey, I'm like 3 years late to the party. But what else is new. I'm slow, and I'm okay with that. Technology in general tends to make my eyes glaze over. And I am cheap as hell. So it's a miracle I'm not still carrying around that sad, heavy brick of a phone.

I went with the iPhone. It never entered my mind to even consider an iPhone until they jumped over to Verizon. Then the wheels started turning. A few weeks ago I finally made the plunge and I haven't looked back since.

Learning the touch pad has been slow going. At the store, the clerk kindly set up my email on my new phone. He asked me to type in my email address and password. That was embarrassing. It took 10 minutes and numerous swear words. When I turned to Tony and said, "Will you just do this?!" he was busy with Des. So there I went, plugging and cursing away. The sales guy barely blinked an eye at my sailor mouth. Must be used to it with us newbs.

Other than the learning curve with the typing, which is A LOT better now, I'm loving it so far. Learning all the ins and outs is going to take a while. The only non-standard apps I have right now are Facebook, something that locates sexual predators in our area, and Instagram, as seen here:

Shockingly, my new fancy phone is full of this face. Just trying to remember these times, when he's not yet embarrassed by his tech-dummy mom.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Springing Forward

Despite the fact that there were some major flurries yesterday in Massachusetts, the snow is pretty much gone today and we are ready for Spring. Like... really, really ready. I'm wearing a bright yellow sweater. I just need some pom-poms made of daffodils and I'm like a cheerleader for springtime today.

With this time of year comes a very busy schedule for us. Birthdays, holidays, first communions, graduations, weddings, showers, etc. All of the above and so much more is on the calendar.

On that note, to families with busy schedules I would highly recommend Google Calendar. You can share it among other Gmail members, so Tony and I are constantly updating it as things come up. We can both update and view it from work or home or on the road. It has been a godsend. It has also served as the final word in any scheduling snafus between husband and wife. As in, "I have a hair appointment that day, IT'S IN THE CALENDAR." End of conversation.

Ahh marital bliss.

Some of the more exciting plans we have involve traveling. In April we'll be heading down to North Carolina for a long weekend to visit John, Abbie, and Carly Grace. They made the move down South from New England last year and we've been meaning to visit for some time. Now we get to see what all the hype is about! We have a lot of catching up to do with those guys.

And in May... It's back to paradise. St. John, USVI

I know, I know. Every year I say we're going to try some place new, but then I start drinking heavily, growing a beard, and babbling, "We have to go back!"

Sigh... miss LOST. Miss LOST so much.

We wanted to take a real week-long family vacation. And we're jonesing for the beach. Plus with the baby we wanted it to be safe, comfortable, and familiar. So... Basically I don't even know why I researched any other place because I knew we'd be going back to The Island.

This time will be different. Obviously the baby complicates matters. To help with that issue, we invited my mom along. We're super excited to have her and to share our very special place in the world with 2 very special STJ newbies.

And here's the view from our villa:


The countdown is on. Luckily I'll be busy busy busy so I won't be driving myself crazy with anticipation!

Friday, March 18, 2011

Conversations Overheard

Tony: I bought 30 boxes of tissues, just so you know.
Me: Umm... okay?
Tony: They are Kleenex brand. $23 for the 30 boxes, which is super cheap. I know you like the softness on your nose and they shouldn't shred as easily in Desmond's mouth.
Me: ...

Don't ask.

Just ride.

Monday, March 14, 2011

The One Where I Talk About Boogers

Have I mentioned how brutal this cold season has been? Not so much for the adults in the household, but for the little one with the growing immune system.

It's always the same pattern. One week Desmond suffers through a disgusting cold, the next week he improves every day, has 2-3 days of seeming complete health, and then we'll hear a single cough in the night. The next morning, it's back to square one. The cold is usually the same too. It includes a cough that starts off dry and hacky and gradually gets more and more stuff behind it, until he's coughing up shrapnel. His face is swollen with congestion. And oh the snot. I could write a book about it. Dry green stuff, runny yellow stuff, the thin bubbles of mucus that inflate and then pop.

Wiping his nose is like trying to put a cat in a bathtub. There's flailing and screaming and pinning down of limbs. The mom and dad tag-team effort is the best way to go, with one person holding legs and arms and the other bracing the head and wiping. Obviously when it's just one of us this method is not possible. In that case we just kinda throw tissues in his general direction and hope for the best.

I used to be one of those people who found it off-putting to see a child out and about with a runny nose. Ha... haha. Oh sweet, naive me. Little did I know. To avoid that I'd either have to never leave the house or tape a folded tissue to his nostrils.

In all of our snot struggles, we have found one of the most vile and amazingly effective products out there. The NoseFrida:

Otherwise known as the SnotSucker

You literally suck your kid's boogers out with a tube. There's a filter in the middle so there's never any snot-to-mouth action. But still. It's a miracle I even purchased this without gagging. The reviews are amazing and we were desperate. And I could not be any happier that I pushed through the chunks in my throat and bought this thing.

It still takes a good wrangling to get him to sit still, but the process is quick and efficient. I'll admit it. I'm in love with the Snot Sucker.

I talk about it more in my latest column. Feel free to check it out.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Another Unwelcome Visitor

One recent afternoon I was cuddling with Des on the couch as he drank his milk from a sippy cup, still groggy from his nap. When I heard something in the back... Neely in his cat box, maybe. Nah, it was different than that. Not so much scratching, but scurrying. Oh god. It was definitely scurrying, frantic and desperate.

"Tony! Neely's doing something."

That old familiar sound. There was a hunt in the house. Whether it was successful or not I would not know, because if you haven't learned by now, my eyes shut tight as soon as I recognize what's going on.

Tony quickly made his way to the back room as Des and I waited impatiently on the couch, our feet up off the floor. I was a little more used to this now, so I wasn't heading for zee hillz just yet. I knew the drill.

But then Tony came back sooner than expected, empty hands and an odd look on his face.


"Oh god, what is it? Is something dead? Loose in the house? WHAT??"

"It's a bird."


"There's a bird in the closet. You guys should go upstairs."


I grabbed Des and ran him upstairs. Of course there's a bird! Because if there's anything I hate worse than a mouse in my home, it's a goddamn bird ready to flap its wings in my hair and peck my eyes out and poop down my neck. I could think of only one thing worse (starts with B, ends with AT), and lemme just do the sign of the cross right now, because if that ever happens this house just might implode Poltergeist-style.

We waited it out in the bedroom. Who knows how long this would be. I knew Tony didn't have much of a plan. Why would he? Who prepares for this?

About 5 minutes later, Tony hollered upstairs, "It's okay now." I hesitantly opened our bedroom door to see Tony with the hood of his sweatshirt cinched tight around his face, wearing mismatched gloves and carrying a broom. My hero!

He walked me through what he did to get the thing out. To sum up, he pretty much just opened the back door and the bird flew out. My hubby has mad skills yo. He did manage to get a photo of that sucker, hiding out in the unfinished ceiling of our back room closet:

I know it's a little Sasquatch-esque, but do you see the profile? Way in the back? And the curtain to the left was what Neely was attempting to climb with his claws in order to get to it.

That bird is lucky it has wings.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Check check, one, two, ssssyphilis

This thing on?

Hoooo doggy it's been cray-cray around these parts. I apologize for the lack of updates. I have a few entries in the queue, but actually sitting down and typing words and uploading photos is a comparible to writing a dissertation or running a marathon right now.

So here's a brief rundown of what's going on in life:

- Day job. Short staffed this week so I am literally buried. I can't see the surface of my desk or the light at the end of the tunnel. Send help and a reliable temp.

- Side job. Real writing takes a lot longer than this blogging shiz.

- Sleep issues. Still going strong with those. But guys, one day last week Des actually slept through the night until 6:45am! And there was a string of restful nights with no peeps and a reasonable waking hour! I would wake up each morning in another realm of reality. Colors were brighter, I could think and speak in full sentences, the world was at my fingertips! Unfortunately that is all a distant memory. With a single cough in his crib, I knew The Cold That Never Ends was back for another round. And now we are back in the zombie zone. Des is usually up around 11pm until 1 or 2am, and then bright and early at 5-5:30am (or earlier if he's feeling especially cruel).

This zombie is lucky he's cute.

Stick with me. I'll be back in full effect soon, hopefully well-rested and incredibly amusing.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Thing I Never Thought I'd Type

I just sent this update to Tony via instant message:

des ate his first booger
there was a big one on his cheek, i could see it when i went in to get him from his nap
but i couldn't wipe it right away cuz he was crying, so i just picked him up and rocked him for a bit
then when he lifted his head the boog was gone and there was something in his mouth
he had his 'new food face' on and then swallowed it before i could try to fish it out
then he drank all his milk
so i'll just count that as his snack

Life. It's wicked glamorous.

Checking out J.Crew, playing with necklaces, and eating shnoogs. What?
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